Coming Clean (From the Damage) Read online

  She placed her hand on her stomach, then took it away and shoved it into her back pocket. “This is so weird...I don’t really know how to say it, so I’m just going to...you know...”

  “What is it, Kel?” He leaned against the stage, propping his elbow on it as he waited for her to spit it out.

  “Well, you remember how I said the pill takes, like, six weeks to kick in?”

  His stomach dropped. He knew what was coming; he could hear the words even though she’d never said them. Still, he stared dumbly at her, knowing he was wrong. She couldn’t be—

  “I’m pregnant.” Her lips twisted into a bitter smile. “Surprise.”

  Alex, still staring at her, tried to come up with something to say. His dumbass response was a stammered, “You—your—what?”

  “Pregnant. With child. Bun-in-the-oven. Eating for two. Do you get it?”

  Oh, he got it all right. He got that his life was virtually over, his reputation shattered, his dreams demolished. Everything he’d worked so hard for—everything he’d been forced to work so hard for was gone. Vanished. Destroyed. “I have to go,” Alex said as he flew into full-blown freak out mode. His heart was beating a million times a second and his palms were sweating buckets. His head felt like it would burst into flames any second. He needed to get out of there. He needed to breathe...fresh air...exercise, that’s what he needed. Not this.

  He started for the door, but as he tried to walk past her, her hand shot out and grabbed his.

  “Alex, this isn’t as bad as it seems, I promise!” She looked so scared, but so certain. She’d always been so faithful, so believing in their relationship and the obstacles they could tackle together. But this broke the mold. This was uncharted territory—territory he didn’t want to map out.

  The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but the large band room seemed to be shrinking, the walls closing in, as images of his father, shouting a football play in his ear, telling him to man-up and “do it!” came to mind. Would he be that kind of dad? Bitter about every mistake, forcing his kid to overshadow him even though it was impossible? He pulled away from Kelly. “I...I just...I need some space. I mean, time. I mean, I’ve got to go.”

  She squinted at him, her eyes full of question and confusion and hurt. He wanted to make her feel better. She deserved that much.

  He reached out, cupping her face in his hand. “I’ll call you later, baby, I promise.” But calling her “baby” only reminded him of the situation and everything a baby did—poop, cry, poop, cry, shriek, demand to be fed....he was starting to suffocate again. Dropping his hand, he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Then he ran out of the room.

  “Alex!” A voice broke through his thoughts. “Can you answer the question I just asked?”

  Alex looked up to find his dad and the rest of the fifth period History class staring at him. “Ummm….” He glanced at the chalkboard, trying to find a clue as to what they had been talking about.

  “I’m sorry, son, am I boring you?” Allen said.

  Alex hated it when he called him son in front of the entire class. “Actually, yeah,” Alex said, “I was about to take a nap.”

  The whole class started laughing and Alex grinned. He liked it when he made people laugh, or when they thought he was funny. Glancing at his dad, he noticed he was glaring at him. Nope, his dad didn’t find him the least bit funny.

  ***

  Meagan shuffled her feet under the table as her mother passed around plates of food. She scooped a tiny portion of chicken Alfredo onto her plate, and grabbed a slice of garlic bread.

  Her mother, Julia, looked across the table at Meagan’s brother. “Trevor, how are things going at work?”

  Trevor scooped a big pile of food onto his plate. “Good.” He shrugged. “It’s a hardware store. I see a lot of tools, and help expecting mothers agonize over paint samples.”

  Julia laughed. “I bet you’re glad classes have started back up.”

  “Yeah, I love it,” Trevor said, chomping on a mouthful of food. Her brother turned her gaze to her. “Have you thought about where you want to apply yet?”

  Meagan shook her head as she swallowed a gulp of water. “Who really needs college anyway?”

  Trevor laughed arrogantly. “People who don’t want to earn minimum wage for the rest of their life. Can you say ‘do you want fries with that, sir?’”

  Julia cleared her throat, shooting Trevor a scolding look before she turned her empathetic gaze to her daughter. “So, honey, how’s it going in group therapy?”

  Meagan had to wait until she’d swallowed a bite of food, then she followed it with a swig of water. “It’s good. There’re a lot of interesting people.”

  Trevor chuckled. “Interesting quacks maybe.”

  “Trevor.” Julia shot him a glare.

  “I’m sorry,” Trevor said, but Meagan was sure he didn’t mean it. “It’s just…I don’t get the concept. A bunch of people sit in a circle and whine about their problems? Don’t they have anything better to do?”

  Meagan pushed her chair back and stood from the dinner table. “Thanks for supper, Mom,” she said, then turning her gaze to Trevor, she added, “but I’ve lost my appetite.”

  Meagan walked up the stairs to go to her room, but stopped when she heard her mother’s voice scolding her brother. Meagan didn’t like to eavesdrop, but she was tempted to stay and hear what her mom would say.

  “You really shouldn’t be so hard on your sister, Trevor,” Julia said. “You don’t know what she’s been through.”

  Meagan closed her eyes tightly and leaned her head against the wall, just waiting for her brother’s next sarcastic comment.

  “Because nobody will tell me. Her lips are locked tighter than Alcatraz.”

  Meagan took a deep breath as she quietly climbed the rest of the stairs. No, she thought, and nobody ever will.

  Chapter Three: Enough

  Sitting at her desk, pretending to listen to the teacher, Carmen tried to figure out how quickly she could lose five pounds. She’d decided to focus on five-pound intervals; it was a lot less disappointing than when she’d focused on ten-pound intervals.

  So far, since she’d started this diet, she’d lost fifteen pounds. Renee didn’t seem to notice—which Carmen was grateful for. The last thing she needed was for Renee to find out about her diet.

  Across the aisle from her, in the next desk over, a boy sat hunched inside a hoodie. Though the hood was down—hoods weren’t allowed to be worn in class—Carmen could see the thin string of a pair of headphones and she noticed the small white bud tucked inside his ear.

  She wondered what he was listening to. Probably heavy metal or rap, she decided. With his dark hair and icy eyes that seemed to gaze off into nowhere, he looked like the type to listen to that kind of music.

  His name was Cole. She’d been noticing him a lot lately—huddled around the staircase with his delinquent friends in the morning, cutting off campus during lunch, ditching detention after school. She just never had the nerve to approach him. She wondered if he’d notice her if she lost a few more pounds.

  As if sensing her obvious stare, he glanced over at her. Her cheeks flushing, she looked back down at the notebook on her desk, but only for a second before she stole another glance at him.

  Still watching her, the left corner of his lips curved in a half-grin and he winked at her. Butterflies fluttering in her stomach, she wondered what he meant by that.

  Was he just being an ass? Was he trying to hit on her, or tell her he didn’t mind that she’d been watching him? Why did she always have to overanalyze things?

  She was sure her cheeks were bright red—they were definitely hot. Not as hot as he was, though, she thought as she took another longing look at him. He was still watching her, blatantly now, his head turned completely in her direction.

  “Sorry, am I interrupting something?” The teacher’s voice caught Carmen’s attention and she looked up to find her walking toward them
.

  Carmen’s heart was beating rapidly, but Cole looked completely unfazed. He just turned a wide grin to the teacher and said, “Actually, yeah. I was just gonna ask Carmen if she wanted to meet me for lunch.”

  If it could have, her face would’ve caught on fire. She was so embarrassed—and flattered. Mrs. Frost and Cole both turned to her with expectant looks on their faces, and Cole winked at her again.

  “Sure.” Carmen gave Cole a shy smile and a few classmates broke out into giggles.

  “Ah, the joys of teenage hormones.” Turning on her high heel, Mrs. Frost headed back up to the front of the classroom. “If you’re done, I’d like to return to my lesson on The Outsiders.” She tossed a warning look over her shoulder and Carmen nodded, although she realized it probably wasn’t necessary.

  When the teacher turned her back, Carmen glanced over at Cole again, her heart palpitating when he gave her another adorably hot wink.

  ***

  Standing at his locker, Alex struggled to get the combination lock to open. He was so exhausted from the night before, he kept zoning out before he could get the dial to land on the numbers he needed. Once he did, he grabbed his water bottle from his backpack and popped two caffeine pills into his mouth.

  This should help, he thought as he chased them with water. He replaced the lid on the bottle, stuck it back in his locker, and retrieved his geometry book before he shut his locker and turned to go to class. Down the hall, he saw Kelly.

  She was walking down the main hallway, headed straight toward him. The sunlight poured through the wall-to-wall windows behind her and cast a glow around her. He couldn’t help but check her out, his gaze traveling from her loose, blond curls to her stilettos. She was dressed in the usual form-fitting designer labels, but that didn’t catch his attention as much as what was on her face. A smile.

  She was beaming from ear to ear as she walked down the hall with her books clutched to her chest. Alex wondered what had put her in such a good mood, but when she looked up and saw him, her smile faded, once again causing all of the pain to resurface.

  For a second, every time he saw Kelly again, he still expected her to run and jump into his arms with a girly squeal or admiring gaze. Then he remembered. He remembered how badly he’d screwed up, how pathetic he’d been. How he’d betrayed her.

  Alex didn’t try to say hello, or try to talk to her. He just kept eye contact, with the constant apology in his gaze, and walked past her and into the classroom.

  He sank into his desk, resting his head in his hands as he tried to clear his mind.

  “Yo, man, what’s up?” his friend, Kyle, asked as Alex sat down at the desk across from him.

  “Not much, what about you?” Alex didn’t really want to talk and he hoped the conversation would stop after the exchange of pleasantries. The caffeine pills were starting to hit him, gradually replacing the fatigue with energy. He tapped his pencil on the desk, jiggled his foot, thinking of how he’d love to run some laps right now or even do weight training. He’d rather do anything than sit still.

  “I just saw Kelly in the hall; man, she is lookin fine!” Kyle said.

  Alex looked at him. “Kelly always looks fine.”

  “Okay, class,” Mr. Snyder began. “I graded your tests and I must say, some of the scores were impressive, while others…well, others could have been better.”

  Aw, man, Alex thought, I blew it. I know it. Mr. Snyder walked around the room as he placed each student’s paper on their desk. He laid Alex’s test face-down, and for a second, he just stared at the blank sheet of paper, afraid to look. Finally, with a breath to brace himself, he flipped the page over, shocked to see an A plus.

  Pride washed over him, a feeling of accomplishment that quickly faded. It didn’t make sense. He’d barely crammed for an hour before passing out in bed, and the bell had rung before he’d even had a chance to complete the test. Glancing up from his desk, he saw Beth, a brainiac who sat in front of him and always aced the tests.

  “Psst, Beth,” Alex whispered.

  She turned around.

  “Can I see your test? I wanna check it against my answers to see what I did wrong.”

  She gave him a shy smile. “Sure thing,” she said as she handed the test back to him.

  Taking a deep breath, Alex looked over Beth’s paper. Sure enough, she had gotten an A. Not only an A, but she had gotten every question right.

  Alex’s heart dropped as he compared the two tests, seeing that none of the answers matched. Not only had he not completed the test, but he’d answered every question wrong. How could Mr. Snyder give him an A?

  Then he remembered his father’s smug voice saying he would talk to Mr. Snyder, and the fury consumed him. His father had pulled strings to get him this grade? Seriously? All so he could play in a stupid game? He thrust to his feet, his chair slamming into the desk behind it and startling the entire class.

  “Is there a problem, Mr. Walker?” Mr. Snyder asked.

  Alex took steady, angry steps toward his teacher, handing Beth’s test to her as he passed her desk. “Yes, there’s a problem. Look at this.” He held up his test. “I didn’t even finish and you gave me an A.”

  The classroom fell silent and all eyes fixed on them. “Perhaps that means half your work is sufficient enough to pass this class. You’re a lot smarter than you think, Mr. Walker.”

  “Mr. Walker is my father. My name is Alex! And I deserve an F on this paper, look at it.” He snatched Beth’s paper back out of her hands. “I didn’t even get one question right!”

  “Mr. Walk—Alex,” Mr. Snyder said, his voice attempting to take an authoritative tone, but the redness on his cheeks and neck gave his embarrassment away. “I think you’d better take your seat and accept the grade that was given to you.”

  “But I just want—”

  “Now!” Mr. Snyder cut him off.

  “This is bull.” Alex walked back to his seat. He handed Beth her paper back for the final time and said to her, “I guess what I did wrong was expect a fair grade.” She gave him a look of sympathy as he continued to his desk.

  Oh, great, he thought as his gaze landed on Meagan sitting in the back. He never noticed her being in this class before. Instead of taking his seat, he grabbed his backpack and circled around the room and out the door.

  ***

  Kelly sat at her usual table for lunch. She wasn’t very hungry, but she had nothing else to do. Pulling her leather bound journal from her backpack, she began to write about visiting Gage and Lizzie the night before.

  Last night, I hung out with Gage. Even though all we do is chill at his apartment, I always have a lot of fun. He’s so much more than he seems. That brutally honest streak that used to annoy me…now I think it’s charming, refreshing even, to be around someone who’ll tell the truth. I just wish he would let other people see what I see when I look at him. The whole bad boy, devil-may-care attitude is really just a big front. He’s really just afraid—

  She was interrupted by Meagan sitting down across from her. “Hey,” Meagan said, twisting off the cap to her bottle of Coke.

  “Hey,” Kelly replied slowly, wondering what she wanted. She shut the journal and stuffed it back in her bag. “What’s up?”

  Meagan sighed and looked around, then leaned in to talk quietly. “I don’t know if you want to know this or not...but Alex kind of freaked out in class today.”

  Normally, Kelly didn’t care what Alex did or didn’t do. She didn’t want to hear about him, talk about him, or talk to him. However, hearing that he freaked out piqued her curiosity. “What do you mean?”

  “He, like, totally lost it on Mr. Snyder for giving him an A on yesterday’s test,” Meagan said. “Apparently, he didn’t think he deserved it.”

  What? Alex loved being the golden boy, everybody’s big hero. Why would he freak out for getting special treatment?

  Kelly found herself scanning the cafeteria to look for Alex. Her gaze landed on him; he was sitting at the pop
ular table she and Meagan had both sat at once. He was in the middle, with all of his friends around him and, as always, donning his letterman’s jacket. Kelly remembered when she used to wear that jacket—she’d loved the way it swam around her shoulders and the sleeves swallowed her hands—but those days were over. Kelly didn’t know why, but she found herself wanting to go to Alex, wanting to talk to him.

  “Thanks,” she said, turning to Meagan as she stood up. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

  Kelly stood from the table, grabbing her purse, and then headed toward Alex. He looked up from his spot and saw her. His eyes shaded over and turned serious. Muttering something to his friends, he pushed his chair back and darted out the nearest door.

  What the hell? Kelly thought, watching the door swing shut after him. Since when does he run from me? She chased after him, catching up to him at a water fountain.

  “Alex, hey, wait up.” She picked up her pace, finally catching up with him. He was standing with his back to her, with the mouth of his water bottle underneath the stream of water spouting from the fountain. He didn’t look up, didn’t acknowledge her presence.

  “Are you okay?” Kelly watched him, trying to analyze his stiff posture and solemn, tired face as if those things could tell her what was going on with him. She didn’t know why she cared, it was confusing, but she was worried about him. “I heard about what happened in Snyder’s class.”

  “Why do you care?” Alex shot back.

  Kelly was thrown by his response. “Look, I’m just trying to be nice to you. Forget I even said anything.” She turned to walk away and Alex gently grabbed her arm.

  “I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh. “I didn’t have time to study for this test, but I crammed what studying I could in before bed. When we took the test, I didn’t even get to finish and he gave me an A.”

  “So, maybe you’re smarter than you think,” Kelly offered.

  Alex scoffed. “I wish. Why does everyone keep saying that? The thing is, I checked it against somebody who did get the right answers. I deserved an F, not an A.”